What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 23:51
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She wouldn,t have been !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The #1 Snack for Better Gut Health, Recommended by a Gastroenterologist - AOL.com
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I write beautiful poetry .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What are your controversial and hot takes on Naruto?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why do very skinny girls get more male attention if it is true that men like curves?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The Law Firms That Appeased Trump—and Angered Their Clients - WSJ
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I think the readers, may guess!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why did i forgive my father ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I waited trembling.
I don,t even have a pension.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was in good health!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Ive learnt so much.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
All the time i was locked up.
This is soul school!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And i lived it daily.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She loved him until the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We all went to grammer schools
We were not on the streets..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was 9 years of age.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
I was very sick at this time too.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I could never make a relationship work though!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So whats the point in blame.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot live in the past .
When she asked me how she looked .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
(And it was in our own minds.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She married twice! .
He knew the spot.
But, we were locked up after school.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im still living with it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Put me off passion for life!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I have no regrets .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I said to her
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My life is so biszare .
I was scared of men, in general
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it wasn’t much.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What did i know ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My family never makes their pension either.
Who then, do I blame.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I will be 64.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Comes on , in middle age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It was going to be , some day.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.